12.31.20

By BRYAN CLARK
Sports Editor

THE INTERNET, Cyberspace (AP) – In a year when Americans have come to expect the unexpected, it has happened again: For the first time ever, Team Torraveris defeated Team Bryamy in the 14th annual Pfizer Quad One Braggin’ Rights 2-on-2 Basketball Challenge presented by Hydroxychloroquine.  Unable to compete in person because of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, the teams agreed to change the format to a virtual game of C-O-V-I-D (played like HORSE), played on Little Tikes basketball hoops across the country.  After more than an hour of intense competition, Team Torraveris prevailed in dominating fashion, COVID to CO.

“I really liked the format change because it took away their primary advantages: running, passing, and playing defense,” Lee Delaveris said.  “I think we should probably make the changes permanent.”

Dustin Torres agreed.

“At least now we know we can keep playing these games into our 80s,” he said after hitting a shot from his couch.

Consistency proved the key to victory.  Torres hit shot after shot from 8 feet – a shot that became known as “The Dustin” – forcing Bryan Clark and Jeremy Bridgman to match him.  Eventually, they couldn’t, picking up their final “D” after failing to make The Dustin in the final round.

“I can’t believe I got the D from The Dustin,” Bridgman said.  “Now we have COVID.  It was humiliating.  But it’s a fitting way to end 2020, I guess.  This year has been a Dumpster fire and this game was no exception.”

Much like the in-person games, Team Bryamy brought more entertainment to the arena – but unlike a real game, their razzle-dazzle style did not translate to victory.  Clark (who earned the nickname “Carrot Top”) came prepared with multiple props and jerseys for tribute shots like “The Jordan” (a free throw line dunk that he made), “The D-Rose” (he missed), “The Andy Dalton” (he missed), “The Trevor Bauer” (he missed), “The Woody” (he made), and “The Dumpster Fire” (he made).  He also tripped over a table and went flying into the “stands” on one fadeaway shot.

“I’m playing on a Little Tikes hoop by myself in my basement and I’m still ending up with rugburn,” Clark said. “I might be taking this too seriously.  I also probably should have focused more on my shooting than my outfit changes.”

Bridgman, for his part, showed incredible confidence and persistence, trying and failing on the same trick shots over and over again.

“They’re going to be so screwed when I start hitting these,” Bridgman was heard saying after the game was over and as the Zoom call ended.

While Torres brought the ice cold consistency, Delaveris brought the flair to Team Torraveris, hitting a dazzling shot from a hoverboard that no one could match and hitting multiple clutch shots to save his team from taking a letter.  He was also lethal from the corner.

“I understand that this victory will come with asterisk, just like any sports championship this year,” Delaveris said.  “But it really feels good to win one.  It’s almost enough to make me forget that there are 221 million people ahead of me on the COVID vaccine list.”

Bridgman, however, said he planned to protest the results of the game.

“In America, we count only legal shots,” he said.  “Dustin’s camera was too far away, so we were not able to properly observe his shots.  How do we know he was making those shots?  Maybe Bryan and I were actually making those shots?   Maybe dead people were shooting? What about the massive dumps of shots that he made late in the game?  It’s all very suspicious.  I think if you count only the legal shots, Bryan and I will win by a landslide.”

Clark’s response was more practical.

“Cool – you won the game? Then come get your trophy, boys.  It’s at my house in Illinois.  Be sure to wear a mask,” he said.

Perhaps the best metaphor was a shot Torres deemed “The 2020” - A shot 6 feet from the basketball, wearing a mask, on his knees.  Fittingly, he missed.

“It doesn’t get much more 2020 than that,” he said.

Summer 2018

By BRYAN CLARK

Sports Editor

DELAWARE, Ohio (AP) – Returning for the first time since 2015, it was clear why Team Torraveris has been ducking the 13th annual Donato’s Quad One Braggin’ Rights 2-on-2 Basketball Challenge presented by City Barbeque.  Despite three years to train, Torraveris put together their worst performance in the history of the series, losing to Team Bryamy 15-0, 15-3.  It was the first time a team has been shut out in a game, and it was the lowest two-game point total.

“This game has really outlived its original purpose at this point,” Dustin Torres said.  “It’s more about nostalgia now, like compact disks and democracy.”

Hosted at the Reserve at Glenross Park, this year’s game featured a rowdy — if somewhat indifferent — crowd of children under the age of eight.  At one point, the Challenge faced its first bathroom stoppage in history when young Peyton Torres approach his father (who had the ball) and announced he had to go to the bathroom.  After a brief stoppage to visit a nearby tree, play resumed.

Still, Bryamy could not be distracted from its mission, refusing to give up any uncontested looks and knocking down shots at an alarming rate.  Jeremy Bridgman claimed not to have played basketball in more than a year, but he led all scorers, hitting shots from all over the court.  A father for just over a year, he attributed his performance to “dad strength.”  But Delaveris had another theory.

“Look – I drove 14 hours to get here from my home in Dublin[, Ohio].  Of course I was exhausted,” Delaveris said.  “And I was afraid to get anywhere near Bryan [Clark] because I didn’t want to contract poison ivy.  Apparently that’s like an STD now.”

With the official match-up over so quickly — and the team mini-van nowhere to be found — Quad One Productions debuted the Quad Two Bwaggin’ Wights Game, featuring four children ages 4 to 8 taking on their dads (except for Jackson Clark, who instead chose to “host” the proceedings, sounding a “halftime” buzzer approximately every 30 seconds).  Rylan Torres, who had buried his head in his hands as Clark rejected a lay-up, grabbed the ball, and knocked down a wide open three to win Game Two, starred for the kids team, slicing through the defense, delivering crisp passes, and finishing layups.

“Look, everyone’s talking about the future, and with good reason,” Delaveris said.  “My boys are rather athletic, and Rylan is already better than Dustin.  My question is, when do we get to stop playing in these games altogether?”

Torres, standing nearby, nodded grimly.  This point was proven later on when Team Torres (featuring Dustin and Rylan) knocked off Bryamy 7-6 in an exhibition game.

Charley Clark and Peyton Torres also brought their own unique offensive strategies to the kids game.  Yelling “you can’t catch me,” they sprinted in circles around the court, distracting and wearing out the pursuing dads while Rylan Torres drove to the hoop.

“Imagine chasing around Steph Curry, or Richard Hamilton at his peak, but without a shot clock and without them ever stopping to get the ball,” Clark said.  “Really tested our cardio today.”

But for now, the next generation will have to settle for contributing with coaching tips.  After Game One, Rylan Torres pulled his father aside and offered some critical advice.

“He noticed that we weren’t calling any fouls, so he said I should just pick up the ball and travel to the basket,” Torres said. “Smart kid.  But I’m not sure it would have worked.  Jeremy probably would have come flying in like Steve Atwater and taken me out.”

Team Doctor Dan McFarlane missed this year’s game because he was at the polls voting in the special election.

“I appreciate Dr. Dan’s commitment to democracy, even if it is quickly becoming an antiquated institution,” Torres said.  “Speaking of things that are antiquated, I need to go ice my back.”

2.15.15

 

By BRYAN CLARK

Sports Editor

DUBLIN, Ohio (AP) – It was a happy ValenQuad’s Day for Team Bryamy.  After a layoff of more than two years, the Whole Foods Quad One Braggin’ Rights 2-on-2 Basketball Challenge presented by Cards Against Humanity returned Saturday.  With two years to plan for the 12th annual match-up, Team Torraveris came out strong, leading Game One and Game Two for extended periods.  But as always, Team Bryamy rallied to take care of business, sweeping the series 15-9, 15-5.

“My tauntaun almost died getting me here,” said Jeremy Bridgman.  “So I’m glad it was worth venturing out into the frozen tundra.”

With blizzard conditions making outdoor courts unplayable, the game was held at the Dublin Rec Center for the second straight contest.  After a morning walkthrough at the McFarlane Center, Team Torraveris came out with a clear game plan, determined to get to the rim.  It worked early, as they jumped on top and built an 8-7 lead with Dustin Torres knocking down several tough, off-balance shots and Lee Delaveris crashing the boards with reckless abandon.  But that was when the 11-time defending champions buckled down with an 8-1 run to win Game One.

“I decided we had to stop giving up layups,” said Bryan Clark, who finished the game with several strong blocks.  “And it wasn’t just about basketball – it was personal.  First, Dustin’s out there wishing my family a happy Valentine’s Day before I even get a chance to.  And then my wife’s going on and on about Lee’s ‘water pressure.’  Come on.  I had to put these guys in their places.”

On offense, Bridgman began heating up at the end of Game One and continued the hot shooting in Game Two.  Clark was also quite literally heating up, causing him to shed his long-sleeve shirt for Game Two, leading to many “gun show” jokes and a mortified look on Equipment Manager Leslie Clark’s face.

“He already looked like a Harlem Globetrotter in those goofy red shorts and that jersey,” she said, while sipping from a pint of Graeter’s Raspberry Chip.  “I can’t imagine anyone marrying a guy who dresses like that.”

Team Torraveris led Game Two 4-3 behind more driving layups and hustle plays, including one crossover by Torres that put Bridgman on his backside and a rebound battle that nearly broke Clark’s leg when he slammed into the bench.  But Team Bryamy then went on one of their patented runs, ending the game with a strong 12-1 finish.  Bridgman was unstoppable with a hand in his face, hitting one contested shot after another, and Clark knocked down three 2-pointers to put them on the brink of victory.  They then finished it off with a play that was indicative of the contest: Clark blocked a shot before Bridgman picked up the loose ball and ran a give-and-go with Clark for the game-winning bucket.

“Some people say we haven’t come up with any new material since the start of the millennium,” Bridgman said.  “That’s true on the basketball court too.  Why change what’s working?  But there’s something different about me these days.  And I’m quite happy about it.”

When asked to clarify his remarks, Bridgman simply smiled.

Attendance lagged again at this year’s contest, unless you count the random people playing nearby who occasionally wandered onto the court to chase rebounds and interfere with play.  Team Doctor Dan McFarlane also served as Team Photographer at Saturday’s contest and got some outstanding shots.

“I think it’s great to have multiple jobs,” McFarlane said.  “White people love jobs.”

Everyone in attendance agreed that Delaveris was in the best shape, and Torres (as usual) won the congeniality award.

“I’ll take that,” Delaveris said.  “I was so upset about the loss that I was about to go shove a mason jar up my anus.  But I guess I’ll just cook dinner for 15 people instead.”

Torres said he would just comfort himself with the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.

12.31.12

By BRYAN CLARK

Sports Editor

DUBLIN, Ohio (AP) – Sometimes the sideshow is better than the main event.  Team Bryamy won the 11^th annual Quad One Braggin’ Rights 2-on-2 Basketball Challenge over Team Torraveris 15-3, 15-12 at the Dublin Rec Center, but the real excitement came in the full-court pick-up games that followed.

“To be honest, it was difficult for me to focus today,” Lee Delaveris said.  “With this fiscal cliff looming, I don’t know how anyone can be focused on basketball.”

This lack of focus was evident in Game One, when Team Bryamy ran out to a 9-0 lead and never looked back.  But Delaveris and teammate Dustin Torres rallied in the second game to make it close.  Team Torraveris jumped out to a quick 3-0 lead and led 10-7 before Bryan Clark and Jeremy Bridgman tightened up on defense and finished the game on an 8-2 run.

“I was a little worried there for a moment,” Clark said. “There were so many people in the gym – it would have been really embarrassing if they had won the game and torn off their shirts like last time.”

Several junior high and high school students were on hand to watch this year’s contest.  They described their first-ever Braggin’ Rights experience as “bad,” “ugly,” and “vaguely resembling basketball.”  The Quad One Wives Club and the Quad Two Kids Club did not attend, citing disinterest and embarrassment.  The Challenge was played at the Dublin Rec Center on the recommendation of Team Doctor Dan McFarlane, who said the conditions on the team’s home court (covered in snow) could pose a “serious injury risk.”

“It would have been stupid for them to play outside today.” McFarlane said.  “Of course, these guys have done stupid things before – repeatedly.”

After the Challenge, the fans were given a rare treat as Quad One brought several young people onto the court for a series of full-court games, including members of the Dublin high school team nicknamed White Lebron, Orange Shorts, the Freshman, the Shooter, Sandusky, and Special Needs Nathan.

In the first game, Clark and Bridgman teamed up with three high schoolers against Torres and four high schoolers.  Running the fast-break with veteran savvy, the duo led their team to victory and put together several highlight reel plays.

After that, it was time for some off-the-court drama.  Delaveris led a crew of junior high players – calling themselves the “Mighty Ducks” – onto the court to play the next game, leading to conflict with the high schoolers.  Torres came to their aid and a neutral arbitrator eventually awarded the court to the Ducks.

“I always enjoy the opportunity to teach young people, and this was a teaching moment,” Delaveris said.  “I believe in justice and I think we taught these boys about justice and fairness today.”

Thrilled to have a chance to play in the big leagues, the Ducks ran onto the court and insisted that Delaveris join them to play the “big kids” – a decision they quickly regretted.  Fueled by “justice,” the underdogs played surprisingly well, finding Delaveris repeatedly for wide open lay-ups under the basket.  He promptly missed all of those shots, drawing boos and cat-calls from the crowd.

“It was another teaching moment,” Delaveris said. “I looked like a basketball player sitting on the bench, but looks can be deceiving.”

Then, for the first time ever, it was time for Quad One to play together.  Quad One – plus Special Needs Nathan – took the court against the high school all-stars for the final game of the day, and they were promptly run off the floor as the high schoolers dazzled with alley-oops, no look passes, and tight defense.

Quad One made a few nice shots and a couple strong defensive plays – including one that may have cost Delaveris full range of motion in his right shoulder – but these plays were rare.  The low point came when Torres got a wide open lay-up opportunity while White Lebron was tying his shoe.  Torres missed the lay-up and before he could take a second shot, White Lebron finished tying his shoe and blocked the next shot into the fifth row.

“I almost retired from basketball right there,” Torres said. “The only thing that kept me going is the thought that I would be replaced in the Challenge by Special Needs Nathan.”

Ironically, Nathan was the lone bright spot for the Quad One team.

“Well, our leading scorer was the guy with special needs, so I think that tells you everything you need to know about our performance,” Clark said.

There was a clear generational divide between Quad One and its fans.  None of them seemed to share Delaveris’ concern about the fiscal cliff, and they seemed confused when the older players tried to introduce themselves and shake hands.

“I’m pretty sure they were just mentally texting each other through the whole game,” Bridgman said. “Technology is amazing.”

It was unclear if the teenagers knew the Challenge participants were almost twice their age and had five kids between them, but it was probably apparent as they headed out of the gym.

“Come on guys,” Clark said. “Let’s pile in my mini-van and head home.”

12.31.11

By BRYAN CLARK

Sports Editor

DUBLIN, Ohio (AP) – The show must go on.  Despite being hospitalized with a severe migraine at 2:30 a.m., Bryan Clark – still wearing his hospital bracelet – played in the 2011 D.P. Dough Braggin' Rights 2-on-2 Basketball Challenge Presented by FantasyOlympian.com just hours later, helping Team Bryamy win the 10^th annual match-up with Team Torraveris 15-9, 15-4 at the McFarlane Center. 

“It reminded me of Willis Reed walking out of the tunnel in 1970 or Michael Jordan playing with the flu in 1997,” Jeremy Bridgman said.  “And by that I mean Bryan played like a guy with a limp and a severe illness.  It made my job a lot more difficult.”

Bridgman often found himself playing 1-on-2 against Dustin Torres and Lee Delaveris, as Clark stood on the perimeter and waived Bridgman into the paint.  Bridgman excelled, knocking down contested lay-ups and setting Clark up for open shots.

“Everyone wants to make a big deal of the fact that I played,” Clark said.  “But really, I didn’t do that much.  Jeremy ran the show. I got by today on my youth – it’s a good thing I’m playing against a bunch of old guys who need to take timeouts halfway through each game and rest for 30 minutes in between.”

Bridgman wasn’t the only one who made big plays.  Using a “new” offense designed by Torres, Team Torraveris kept it tight in Game One, playing a game that looked remarkably like basketball.  Relying on a series of picks and short, quick passes – allegedly inspired by the Denver Broncos’ offensive scheme with Tim Tebow – Torres and Delaveris played a pretty brand of hoops that led to open shots and easy lay-ups.  Torres and Delaveris also played with heart, fighting for loose balls, grabbing rebounds, and playing tough defense.  Team Bryamy never led by more than one or two points in Game One before pulling away late for the win.

In the end, it was Torres’ wife who correctly predicted the main problem with the new system.

“I showed my game plan to Gretchen one night at dinner with condiments and she said it was good in theory,” Torres said.  “But she was quick to point out one problem:  We can’t shoot.”

Bridgman also questioned the development of this “new” offensive system.

“I like the talk from Team Torraveris this year about all these new plays, the practices, the analysis,” Bridgman said.  “They’re just doing the same thing we have been doing for years.  Dustin’s not ‘Tebowing.’  He’s running the pick-and-roll.  Except for the ‘option’ look they ran – that’s just a combination of traveling and a moving pick.”

But Bridgman did give Torres high praise for his Tebow t-shirt and the two had a moment of solidarity during a pre-game “Tebowing” session.

After a 30-minute intermission with entertainment by Lady GaGa dressed as Darth Grimace, the teams played a half-hearted Game Two that consisted mostly of Clark and Bridgman taking turns dunking on the lowered rim and Torres trying trick shots while Delaveris tried to stay warm in the garage.  The slick pavement made conditions dangerous and after already suffering the usual spate of injuries – a twisted ankle for Torres, a knee to the groin for Clark, and a ball to the head for Delaveris – the players saw no reason to push it.

“I don’t want to spend the waning hours of my 20s in traction,” said Delaveris, who turned 30 at 12:20 a.m. on January 1, 2012.  “I’m not a kid anymore -- Dustin apparently doesn’t think I will make it to 60, so I have to prove him wrong.”

Team Doctor Dan McFarlane hosted the festivities for the second straight year, but did not attend.

“I had to go to work and tend to real patients with real medical problems,” McFarlane said.  “I didn’t have time to sit around and watch these morons hurt themselves playing basketball.  Frankly, I would rather spend my time practicing magic tricks.”

No one attended Sunday’s match-up, due in large part to cold temperatures, isolated showers, and high pregnancy rates.  The Quad Two kids club also was unable to attend because the game was held during nap time.

“I mean, maybe if they had served ice cream and pickles, or something,” said Team Photographer Lea Delaveris.  “Maybe next year.”

10-Year Anniversary Infographic

In honor of the 10^th Braggin’ Rights game, we have compiled a graphic to look back at the more memorable moments in the history of the series.

Date	Location	Score	Random Quote Out of Context
12/31/05	Liberty Twn., Ohio	15-5, 15-8 (Bryamy)	“Your mother and I had a hard-fought game last night,” said Delaveris, attempting to chase Bridgman on one leg.
12/30/06	Liberty Twn., Ohio	16-4, 16-5.5 (Bryamy)	“Hi boys,” she said with a sly grin. “Happy New Year.”
6/12/06	Las Vegas, Nev.	16-7, 16-13 (Bryamy)	“Honestly? I thought Dustin was going to die,” Delaveris said. “Obviously, that would have bummed me out. First, I’d be down a teammate and there’s no way I could beat these guys by myself. And second, there would be no one left to take out my mom on Saturday nights. I was glad to see him pull through.”
12/31/07	Liberty Twn., Ohio	15-6, 15-7 (Bryamy)	“I’m trying to run my offense, and he’s shimmying back and forth with that crazy smiley face,” Delaveris said. “I didn’t know whether I was supposed to dribble or shoot or get excited or what. It was crazy.”
3/16/08	New York, NY	15-4, 15-10 (Bryamy)	“Once Lee went down, we were out of it for a while,” Torres said. “We looked up, it was 12-2.  I was thinking, ‘Wait, are we still playing?’ And then I started thinking, ‘I kind of wish I hadn’t walked across the Brooklyn Bridge yesterday.’ But then I remembered how great their pizza was. And while I was thinking about that, they scored again.”
1/1/09	Liberty Twn., Ohio	15-9, 15-9 (Bryamy)	“IHOP on Cox,” Delaveris said.
3/29/09	Dublin, Ohio	15-6, 15-2 (Bryamy)	“Me? I’m a minister’s kid. I'm probably the only one here who wouldn't order a hooker.”
9/13/09	West Chester, Ohio	15-6, 10-15, 15-1 (Bryamy)	“We left it all out on the court today,” Torres said. “This is unbelievable. There’s something in the air. This will undoubtedly be the most dramatic and unlikely game you’ll see this weekend. I can’t think of anything that could be more surprising. I mean, we were about as likely to win this one as Kyle Orton is to throw a game-winning 90-yard touchdown tomorrow for the Broncos. Close to zero.”
12/31/10	Dublin, Ohio	15-10, 15-2 (Bryamy)	“I drove 6 hours for this, so things were a little stiff as we got started,” Clark said over the giggles and “that’s what she said” jokes from his fellow competitors. “It [the drive] was long and hard; thankfully the game was not.”

12.31.10

By BRYAN CLARK

Sports Editor

DUBLIN, Ohio (AP) -- Order was restored in the 2010 Quad One Braggin' Rights 2-on-2 Basketball Challenge.

After dropping a game in 2009 for the first time in the history of the contest, Team Bryamy made short work of Team Torraveris, winning the ninth annual match-up 15-10, 15-2 at the McFarlane Center.

"To be honest, I was a little concerned when Lee [Delaveris] and Dustin [Torres] came out in matching jerseys this year," said Bridgman, referring to the t-shirts with a large logo emblazoned in neon green that Torres pulled from his car moments before the match.  "I was particularly worried that I was going to be blinded by that shade of green.  But after my eyes got adjusted, I realized it was just the same lousy basketball players in different, oversized clothing."

Bridgman was the star of the game, creating his own shots off the dribble, knocking down jumpers and finding his teammate Bryan Clark for open looks underneath.  Team Bryamy also buckled down in Game Two with stingy defense, holding Team Torraveris to one of the lowest single-game point totals in the history of the Challenge.

"I drove 6 hours for this, so things were a little stiff as we got started," Clark said over the giggles and "that's what she said" jokes from his fellow competitors.  "It [the drive] was long and hard; thankfully the game was not."

But Team Torraveris did not go down without a fight.  Torres came out on fire in Game One, hitting shots from all over the floor, and Delaveris worked hard underneath, blocking shots and pulling down rebounds.  The duo scored first in both games and spiced up Game Two by running a variety of "football plays," such as the hook and lateral and the option.  The plays did not result in any baskets, but would have thrilled the crowd -- if there was one.

After the game, Delaveris blamed the conditions for his team's performance.

"We're not a fair weather team," Delaveris said.  "It's 60 degrees out here on the 31st of December.  How are we supposed to react to that?  It doesn't fit our game."

When reminded that his team's greatest triumph came on a warm, sunny day in 2009, Delaveris gave a terse "no comment" and headed out to drown his sorrows in some beef bourguignon and lots of orzo.

Although all players escaped major injury, they were somewhat surprised to find themselves a bit winded after the match was over.  Team Doctor Dan McFarlane informed them that this is probably because they are "old" and "somewhat out of shape."

"Honestly?  I wasn't really paying attention, but I figured my diagnosis was a safe bet," McFarlane said.  "This year was a banner year for me, so I wasn't about to spend the last few hours of it watching four short white guys pretend they can play basketball."

McFarlane was not alone in his indifference.  Most of the game was played without a crowd, although Charis Bridg - er, uh - McFarlane did fill in briefly for usual Team Photographer Lea Delaveris, who was at home training young Steven Delaveris.  Based on his ever-increasing agility, speed and hand-eye coordination, scouts project that Steven could supplant his father in the starting line-up within the next couple years.

When asked how his father should be punished for losing the first Braggin' Rights game played since his birth, Steven pointed to an Oasis album and said, "That."  Meanwhile, Jackson Clark was so excited to learn about Team Bryamy's victory that he spilled a glass of wine on Dr. McFarlane and had to be soothed by a haunting rendition of "I'll See You in the Morning."

The date of the next Braggin' Rights Game is not known, but it should occur sometime in 2011.  And before it does, Bridgman has some friendly advice for his opponents.

"They've got to shore up that D," Bridgman said. "Their zone is sagging more and more each year, just like half of Dick Clark's face... What?  Too soon?"

9.13.09

By BRYAN CLARK

Sports Editor

WEST CHESTER, Ohio (AP) - It was bound to happen eventually.
 
Team Torraveris shocked a record crowd of eight spectators by winning Game 2 of the eighth annual Quad One Braggin' Rights Game.  Team Bryamy rallied to win Game 3 in convincing fashion and take the match, maintaining the coveted Quad One trophy for the eighth straight contest.  But regardless the final outcome, the day belonged to Lee Delaveris and Dustin Torres.
 
"I'm so happy right now.  I just - wow - I mean - we never thought we would beat these guys.  And to do it in front of my family - to be able to tell little Quadbaybeh that it was here for such a momentous day - I can't believe it.  Where's the trophy?  I want to kiss the trophy," Delaveris said, before being told that the trophy is only awarded to the winner of the best-of-three series.
 
Bryan Clark and Jeremy Bridgman easily took Game 1 by a score of 15-6, although there was some foreshadowing of the fireworks to follow when Team Torraveris held rare leads at 1-0 and 2-1.  The game was close until the 7-5 mark, when Torres called an ill-advised timeout.  Team Bryamy then finished the game on an 8-1 run.  In Game 2, Team Bryamy seemed poised to sweep the series yet again, leading 8-6 before Torres and Delaveris began an improbable 9-2 run marked by stifling defense and clutch shooting. 
 
Leading 13-10, Delaveris fought through tight defense from Clark to score an impressive basket from the corner, pulling the team within a point of its first-ever victory. Torres finished it off with a running jumper that set off a frenzied celebration.  Torres and Delaveris leapt into each other's arms as Bridgman laid on the court in shock.  Delaveris then ripped off his shirt in celebration and ran into the crowd, followed by Torres (also shirtless).  Clark watched it all with a smile, holding the ball.
 
"I think they forgot that it's still a best of three series," Clark said. "It would have been like the Orlando Magic breaking out the champaign after winning Game 3 of this year's NBA Finals.  I congratulate them on the win, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.  There's still another game to play."
 
Torres seemed near tears after an emotional victory.
 
"We left it all out on the court today," Torres said.  "This is unbelievable.  There's something in the air.  This will undoubtedly be the most dramatic and unlikely game you'll see this weekend.  I can't think of anything that could be more surprising.  I mean, we were about as likely to win this one as Kyle Orton is to throw a game-winning 90-yard touchdown tomorrow for the Broncos.  Close to zero."
 
After expending all their energy in the unlikely win -- not to mention the raucous celebration -- Team Torraveris had nothing left in the tank for the all-important Game 3.  Clark and Bridgman turned in a dominant 15-1 performance that lasted less than 10 minutes.  After Team Bryamy jumped out to a 7-0 lead, Torres and Delaveris seemed to give up, content with earning a special place in history.  Clark and Bridgman flirted with the shutout, reaching 12-0 before Delaveris knocked down a jumper.
 
"It feels so goooooood," Torres exclaimed at one point, causing his teammate to double over in laughter and allowing Clark to drive for another easy lay-up.
 
The game was played at the Clark Coliseum for the first time and some speculated that the smaller confines prevented Team Bryamy from utilizing its speed advantage.  The weather was shockingly pleasant for the first time in series history, but there were still minor injuries all around.  Several players took shots below the belt, Delaveris jammed a finger, and Clark caught an elbow to the kidney.
 
But team doctor Dan McFarlane seemed more concerned with the condition of team photographer Lea Delaveris.  McFarlane diagnosed her with a condition commonly known as "pregnancy," the primary symptom of which is apparently the birth of a human child.  Lee Delaveris seemed briefly rattled by the reality of the situation during the post-game handshakes when a fan yelled out, "Next time we see you, you'll be a dad," but he donned his "QUADDADDEH" shirt with pride for the post-game press conference.
 
Delaveris is likely hoping that his first child will be able to improve on the family basketball legacy -- perhaps picking up a few pointers from the perennial champs along the way.  When they weren't missing open jumpers and getting beaten on the pick-and-roll, Clark and Bridgman showed flashes of the brilliance that has made them dominant over the years.  The highlight of the day was probably the clinching point of Game 1, where Bridgman drove the lane, drew a double team, and flipped perfect alley oop to Clark, who laid it in off the glass.
 
"I hate this phrase, but 'a win is a win,'" Bridgman said.  "It sucks to lose, but I think dropping one game every 10 years isn't so bad.  Today, they were like one of those scrappy No. 16 seeds from the NCAA tourney.  Every once in a while, Cinderella plays the game of her life and makes things interesting.  But the overall outcome was never in doubt."
 
Delaveris had a different take.
 
"We're obviously getting better," he said.  "In ten more years, I fully intend to win that trophy."