2.15.15

 

By BRYAN CLARK

Sports Editor

DUBLIN, Ohio (AP) – It was a happy ValenQuad’s Day for Team Bryamy.  After a layoff of more than two years, the Whole Foods Quad One Braggin’ Rights 2-on-2 Basketball Challenge presented by Cards Against Humanity returned Saturday.  With two years to plan for the 12th annual match-up, Team Torraveris came out strong, leading Game One and Game Two for extended periods.  But as always, Team Bryamy rallied to take care of business, sweeping the series 15-9, 15-5.

“My tauntaun almost died getting me here,” said Jeremy Bridgman.  “So I’m glad it was worth venturing out into the frozen tundra.”

With blizzard conditions making outdoor courts unplayable, the game was held at the Dublin Rec Center for the second straight contest.  After a morning walkthrough at the McFarlane Center, Team Torraveris came out with a clear game plan, determined to get to the rim.  It worked early, as they jumped on top and built an 8-7 lead with Dustin Torres knocking down several tough, off-balance shots and Lee Delaveris crashing the boards with reckless abandon.  But that was when the 11-time defending champions buckled down with an 8-1 run to win Game One.

“I decided we had to stop giving up layups,” said Bryan Clark, who finished the game with several strong blocks.  “And it wasn’t just about basketball – it was personal.  First, Dustin’s out there wishing my family a happy Valentine’s Day before I even get a chance to.  And then my wife’s going on and on about Lee’s ‘water pressure.’  Come on.  I had to put these guys in their places.”

On offense, Bridgman began heating up at the end of Game One and continued the hot shooting in Game Two.  Clark was also quite literally heating up, causing him to shed his long-sleeve shirt for Game Two, leading to many “gun show” jokes and a mortified look on Equipment Manager Leslie Clark’s face.

“He already looked like a Harlem Globetrotter in those goofy red shorts and that jersey,” she said, while sipping from a pint of Graeter’s Raspberry Chip.  “I can’t imagine anyone marrying a guy who dresses like that.”

Team Torraveris led Game Two 4-3 behind more driving layups and hustle plays, including one crossover by Torres that put Bridgman on his backside and a rebound battle that nearly broke Clark’s leg when he slammed into the bench.  But Team Bryamy then went on one of their patented runs, ending the game with a strong 12-1 finish.  Bridgman was unstoppable with a hand in his face, hitting one contested shot after another, and Clark knocked down three 2-pointers to put them on the brink of victory.  They then finished it off with a play that was indicative of the contest: Clark blocked a shot before Bridgman picked up the loose ball and ran a give-and-go with Clark for the game-winning bucket.

“Some people say we haven’t come up with any new material since the start of the millennium,” Bridgman said.  “That’s true on the basketball court too.  Why change what’s working?  But there’s something different about me these days.  And I’m quite happy about it.”

When asked to clarify his remarks, Bridgman simply smiled.

Attendance lagged again at this year’s contest, unless you count the random people playing nearby who occasionally wandered onto the court to chase rebounds and interfere with play.  Team Doctor Dan McFarlane also served as Team Photographer at Saturday’s contest and got some outstanding shots.

“I think it’s great to have multiple jobs,” McFarlane said.  “White people love jobs.”

Everyone in attendance agreed that Delaveris was in the best shape, and Torres (as usual) won the congeniality award.

“I’ll take that,” Delaveris said.  “I was so upset about the loss that I was about to go shove a mason jar up my anus.  But I guess I’ll just cook dinner for 15 people instead.”

Torres said he would just comfort himself with the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.